By Meghan Vivo :: Aspen Education Group

You want to be the best parent you can be — you read the parenting books, spend time with your child and try to stay up to date on the latest teen trends. But are you really listening to your teen? Here are a few things they may want you to know:

1. Times have changed.

You may think you know what it’s like to be a teenager – after all, you once were one. But times have changed, and a new breed of pressures and dangers are facing your teen. Sex happens younger; binge drinking can start as early as middle school; gambling is available to anyone on the Internet; and alcohol, marijuana and prescription drugs are hardly considered dangerous anymore (even though they are actually more dangerous than ever).

You may know what it’s like to be a teenager – but your child knows what it’s like to be a teenager today. Rather than making assumptions, talk to your teen about what’s happening at school and in their relationships. Not only can you learn a few things from your teens, but they can make you a stronger, more compassionate person if you let them.

2. Teens need help managing the stresses and pressures in their lives.

Adolescents don’t instinctively know how to grow into healthy adults. They are accustomed to a fast-paced lifestyle and are in a rush to grow up. In order to actually grow up instead of just acting grown up, teens need guidance from their parents. Whether that guidance comes in the form of family game nights, nightly discussions around the dinner table or weekend activities, teens with caring, involved parents are well-equipped to grow into happy, productive adults.

Shocking as it may be, sometimes adolescents want you to say no. By setting and enforcing rules, parents give teens predictability and structure, as well as a way to combat peer pressure. Left to their own devices, teens often do whatever it takes to be accepted by other teens, including falling in with the wrong crowd, getting in trouble with the law and failing in school. Without your caring oversight, teens are left feeling isolated and alone.

3. Teens want more responsibility (and the trust that comes with fulfilling those responsibilities).

In a hurry to grow up, teens are willing to prove their maturity and readiness to take on more responsibilities. Part of their motivation is to gain your trust and additional privileges, but another part stems from simply wanting to feel valued.

A sense of responsibility helps adolescents feel vital to the family system. When you have enough confidence in your child to assign them chores and duties, they feel confident in themselves and their abilities. Even when teens act like they want to be left alone to hang out with friends and do as they wish, they need their parents’ love and guidance.

4. Unlocked medicine cabinets are an open invitation to teens and their friends to abuse prescription drugs.

Research shows that teen abuse of prescription drugs such as Ritalin, Xanax, OxyContin and Vicodin is one of the biggest threats facing adolescents today. Among youth ages 12-17, prescription drugs have become the second most abused illegal drug (second only to marijuana).

Most teens report getting prescription drugs from their parents’ medicine cabinet or from their friends (who often take drugs from their parents’ medicine cabinets). According to Joseph Califano, chairman of the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA), “easily accessible medicine cabinets containing these very drugs are an open invitation to children — fueling ‘pharming’ parties where teens bring drugs from home and trade or share for purposes of getting high.”

To keep your teens safe, lock your medicine cabinets, properly dispose of prescription drugs you no longer need, and talk to your teens about the dangers of abusing prescription and over-the-counter medications.

5. Even “good” kids act out every once in awhile.

It is the very nature of adolescents to push boundaries. Even teenagers that get straight A’s, come home on time and treat their parents with respect might be caught lying a time or two.

Resist the temptation to label your teen a “good” or “bad” kid. If you’re watching carefully enough, you can always find your child making mistakes. While it’s important to set rules and monitor your teen, it is equally important to catch your teen doing something right and praise their efforts.

If you are noticing more than an occasional slip-up (for example, if your teen is repeatedly lying, disrespecting your authority or engaging in other troubling behaviors), you may need help to get them back on track before they fall into a downward spiral. Therapeutic programs for teens, such as wilderness programs, residential treatment centers and therapeutic boarding schools, are able to bring out the best in troubled teens and help them re-engage in school and their relationships.

6. Teens need time to relax and unwind.

Parents often underestimate how difficult it is to be a teenager. Between school, peer pressure, family conflict and trying to define their identity, adolescents confront a great deal of stress on a daily basis. In fact, teens cite stress as the number-one reason they use drugs or alcohol.

Just as parents need time to unwind after a long day at work, teens need time to do something they enjoy each day. Whether your teen likes to play sports, read a book or play on the computer, allow them a few minutes of personal time. When monitored and time-limited, even video games, Internet surfing and television can be an acceptable way to unwind.

7. Teens want their parents to be proud of them.

Teens want their parents to be proud of them and accept them for who they are. This means resisting the urge to compare your child to others. Parents often use the comparison tactic to try to motivate their children to work harder in school, but it rarely works. Teens already spend their days assessing how they measure up and feeling badly about themselves – they are relying on you to be their biggest supporter.

8. Teens hate when their parents fight.

Teenagers watch their parents carefully to understand how romantic relationships work. They need strong role models who show them how to treat others with respect even if they don’t always agree.

Conflict at home is unsettling for everyone. If you’re struggling to set a good example, get help from a marriage and family therapist or other professional. Don’t take it out on your kids.

9. Teens care what their parents think.

Peers have a great deal of influence on your teen, but studies show you have more. For example, in a 2004 National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy study, less than one-third of teens cited friends as having the most impact on their decisions about sex, while nearly half of teens said their parents were the most influential.

According to Project Teen Canada, a decades-long study of 5,500 Canadian teenagers, nine out of 10 teens describe their mothers as having a high level of influence in their lives, and eight in 10 say the same of their fathers. In addition, teens reported fewer arguments and feeling less misunderstood by their parents in 2008 than in previous years.

Adolescents who are strongly connected to their parents perform better in school and are less likely to smoke, abuse drugs and engage in other destructive behaviors. Even if you feel you’ve lost all influence, keep talking – your teens are listening.

10. Your teen really loves you.

Your teen may not show it, but they really do love you. As they grow into adults, they pull away so they can establish their own identity. Don’t take the distance personally – you are the most important person in your child’s life, and staying connected during adolescence means even closer bonds in adulthood.

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The Drug Free Coalition of Tippecanoe County’s “Alcohol and Sexual Assault” town forum. The panelists are Rape Survivor Advocate Karen Michler, Tippecanoe County Dep. Prosecutor Laura Zeman, Lafayette Police Det. Sgt. Jeromy Rainey, and Indiana Campus Sexual Assault Project Coordinator Emily Haas-Warren. The moderator is Kat Braz.

Click here to listen to the podcast of the Town Hall

By JUSTIN L. MACK • jmack@jconline.com • March 23, 2010

For Purdue senior Jessica Reed, sexual assault is not a topic often discussed before heading out to the campus bars.

Reed and other concerned residents were given the opportunity to learn more about alcohol-related sexual assault Monday night during a town hall meeting hosted by the Drug Free Coalition of Tippecanoe County.

The meeting, which attracted more than 30 people, focused on alcohol-related cases and steps citizens can take to minimize the threat.

“Sexual assault is a very under-reported crime, and we wanted to bring attention to it,” said Karen Michler, rape survivor advocate with the Drug Free Coalition. “So many of these cases are acquaintance rapes, and survivors don’t feel comfortable reporting their friends.”

During the meeting, Michler and representatives from the Tippecanoe County prosecutors office, the Lafayette Police Department and the Indiana Campus Sexual Assault Primary Prevention Project served as panelists.

According to Deputy Prosecutor Laura Zeman, proving that rape occurred without reasonable doubt is one of the biggest challenges.

“Jury members are looking for perfect suspects, and it’s an uphill battle for police to investigate these kinds of crimes,” she said.

Lafayette Police Sgt. Jeromy Rainey said alcohol plays a huge role in acquaintance rape, stating that it is a factor in nine out of 10 cases.

Emily Haas-Warren of the Indiana Campus Sexual Assault Primary Prevention Project said sending memorable messages is one of the keys to stopping alcohol-related rape.

“When alcohol is involved, it becomes difficult for people to remember messages and make the right decisions, so we have to reinforce them,” she said.

Liquor stores are suing and neighbors are complaining as the Walgreens pharmacy chain seeks permits to sell alcohol at its stores in Indiana, the Indianapolis Star reported Feb. 27.

Walgreens stopped selling alcohol about a decade ago but wants to resume such sales in central Indiana. Opponents in Indianapolis and other areas say that the area already is oversaturated with alcohol outlets, and the state’s beverage retailers have filed suit over the issue.

Some Walgreens stores in Michigan, Arizona, Missouri, California and elsewhere already sell alcohol. In 1990 the chain was the nation’s largest liquor outlet, but cited inefficiencies in dropping alcohol sales that year. Rival CVS continued to sell alcohol in some of its stores.

“A corporation that once said it would never sell alcohol is now essentially turning its once family-friendly drugstores into liquor stores,” said John Livengood, CEO of the Indiana Association of Beverage Retailers. “Those scores of applications forced us to the courts when we documented that many of those new permit requests are exceeding the legally established quota system in Indiana.”

Many see the conflict as part of a long-running battle over control of alcohol sales in the region, which in the past has seen liquor stores pitted against supermarkets and big-box retailers.

March 3, 2010 – Bob Curley – News Feature – Join Together

A new report finds that more kids say they are using alcohol and other drugs, but many parents are unable or unwilling to deal with the issue — a bad combination when declining support for prevention and cultural apathy about the issue leave parents as the last and sometimes only line of defense against adolescent drug use.

The 2009 Partnership Attitude Tracking Study (PATS), released March 2 by the Partnership for a Drug-Free America (PDFA) and MetLife Foundation, reported rather dramatic year-over-year spikes in past-month alcohol use (up 11 percent) and past-year use of marijuana (up 19 percent) and ecstasy (up 67 percent) among U.S. students in grades 9-12.

PDFA chairman and CEO Steve Pasierb noted that all three are “social drugs,” and the survey of more than 3,200 students, conducted by Roper Public Affairs, found “a growing belief in the benefits and acceptability of drug use and drinking.” For example, the percentage of teens agreeing that “being high feels good” increased from 45 percent in 2008 to 51 percent in 2009, and those who said “friends usually get high at parties” increased from 69 percent to 75 percent. Thirty percent of students surveyed strongly agreed that they “don’t want to hang around drug users,” down from 35 percent in 2008.

“The resurgence in teen drug and alcohol use comes at a time when pro-drug cues in popular culture – in film, television and online – abound, and when funding for federal prevention programs has been declining for several years,” according to a PDFA press release on the survey.

The reported spike in alcohol and other drug use and attitudinal shifts are startling enough to warrant skepticism about the validity of the findings. However, Pasierb notes that the PATS survey has been conducted using the same methodology for the past 21 years. The most recent Monitoring the Future survey, released in December, also found that use of illicit drugs has leveled off or increased after years of steady declines, and that youth attitudes about drug use appear to be softening. The 2009 PRIDE Survey of 6th- to 9th-graders reported small increases in current drug use, as well.

The PATS survey found that kids are almost as likely to get information on drugs from the Internet and websites like Youtube as from their parents, school, or media ads. “The preponderance of information that kids get online about drugs is pro-use, and to teens it’s more credible,” Pasierb told Join Together.

Perhaps the most surprising survey result is the reported increase in use of ecstasy — a drug that, unlike alcohol and marijuana, has seemed to largely disappear from public consciousness since the mid-2000s. If the survey results are to be believed, more teens are now using ecstasy on a monthly (6 percent) or annual (10 percent) basis than at any point since 2004, and reported lifetime use is higher than ever reported since 1998.

Pasierb said that federal data shows that availability of ecstasy has not declined since 2001-02, and that prices for the drug have fallen. “There was just more news coverage then,” he said.

“I don’t buy the argument that drug use is cyclical,” said Pasierb. “I think it’s generational, and based on what we talk to our kids about.” Drug-use trends among youth are “very malleable,” he added, and what is considered cool or popular can change rapidly from the time a kid enters high school to when they graduate.

Parents Waging a Lonely Battle — Or Not

About 20 percent of the parents surveyed by PATS believed that their children had gone beyond the experimental phase in use of alcohol or other drugs. However, almost half of these parents either did not take any action (25 percent) or waited for between a month and a year to address the perceived problem (22 percent).

Parents of children engaging in non-experimental drug use were less confident in their ability to influence their kids’ drug-use decisions, according to the survey, and were more likely to believe that all teens will experiment with drugs and that occasional use of alcohol or marijuana is tolerable.

“Parents with drug-using kids have never been served by our field,” said Pasierb. “They’re the outliers, and they should be the focus.” PDFA has developed a program called Time to Act that is designed to improve parental knowledge about teen alcohol and other drug use, set rules and boundaries, intervene when necessary, and seek outside help when needed.

“Government prevention programs have all been defunded, and society is not on our side. It’s all on the parents now,” said Pasierb. “Parents are convinced that their kids are getting all this (drug prevention) in school, and it’s just not true. The doctor, school, or football coach is not going to step in.”

March 1, 2010 – Jointogether.org
Using shame or guilt to try to prevent overconsumption of alcohol can actually cause people to drink more, researchers say.

Researcher Adam Duhachek of the Indiana Kelley School of Business and colleagues said that ads that link alcohol abuse to negative consequences like blackouts and automobile crashes in order to elicit feelings of shame or guilt can trigger a defensive coping mechanism. This can lead viewers to believe that bad things related to drinking can only happen to others and can actually increase irresponsible drinking, researchers said.

“The public health and marketing communities expend considerable effort and capital on these campaigns but have long suspected they were less effective than hoped,” said Duhachek. “But the situation is worse than wasted money or effort. These ads ultimately may do more harm than good because they have the potential to spur more of the behavior they’re trying to prevent.”

A better approach might be to educate the public about the negatives associated with drinking but link that message to one of empowerment, said Duhachek. “If you’re going to communicate a frightening scenario, temper it with the idea that it’s avoidable,” he said.

The study will be published in the Journal of Marketing Research (PDF).